Everything to Hate, Nothing to Love
by anamariewrites
Summary: Matsumoto Rangiku hates everything about Ichimaru Gin. From the way he sometimes used to leave for hours or even days on end, leaving behind nothing more than a fox faced smile that never faded and a girl that needed him more than even she knew.


**Author: **BeautifulSilverSilence  
**Title: **Everything to Hate, Nothing to Love  
**Character(s):** Rangiku,Gin  
**Author's Note: **Please enjoy, this is my first shot at a series fiction, I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review, telling me it you like it. Thanks for reading.  
**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own is the idea for this fiction

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Matsumoto Rangiku hates everything about Ichimaru Gin. From the way he sometimes used to leave for hours or even days on end, leaving behind nothing more than a fox-faced smile that never faded and a girl that needed him more than anyone knew. 

She remembers the fun times they used to have together, and she thinks she hates the fact that they are now her most treasured memories. And sometimes, when Rangiku wants nothing more than to go back to the barren wasteland deep in Rukongai, she closes her eyes and she can remember. She remembers the worn down shack that they called their  
home, she can remember every creaking floor board and the gaping hole in the roof that Gin called "the way to heaven."

How ironic, Matsumoto thinks, ever since she can remember, Gin had always loved the stars, and she treasured the times that they spent, wrapped together in a ratty old blanket, just staring at the stars. Rangiku can remember the awesome stories he used to weave, telling tales of magnificent creatures and the beings that lived in the heavens. Even though she was young, Rangiku could hear the wistfulness in his tone of voice, and couldn't help but hate whatever or whoever it was that put it there.

Gin was her everything, starting from him saving her from sure starvation and giving her the one thing she truly did crave...friendship. With Gin, Rangiku was never alone, and she knew that even when he used to leave without saying a word, and even when she used to worry herself sick, and cry on some of the more lonely nights, Rangiku knew that Gin would always come back to her.

He had given her everything, he gave her purpose, life, friendship, and even more important to her, he gave her an existance. And every year Gin and Rangiku would celebrate her birthday, placed on the very day they first met, there always was a special smile on Gin's face unlike all the rest. He looked content, and the wistfullness that was there more often then not, vanished.

It was then when Rangiku didn't care about the future or the past, all she knew, and all she wanted to know was Gin. And she supposed that's why she hates him now, because she'd been waiting for too long, and Rangiku finds that the lonely nights come more frequently and more often than not, those are the days that Ikkaku and Renji, her drinking buddies, stay far away. Because even they know, even if they don't understand, the sadness that Rangiku feels at those times. And when Rangiku wakes in the morning, back in her own bed, she feels like she wants to cry, because she knows that Gin wasn't the one to put her there.

Rangiku knows that Gin never did approve of her drinking, he always used to frown and chastise her, saying that if she was drunk she wouldn't be able to take care of herself if something should happen. Matsumoto thinks that's why she drinks more and more often these days, because if something did happen, she would have yet another reason to hate Gin, if just for the single fact that he wasn't there when she needed him.

And it's only now that Gin has left her that she finds she despises the night more than anything, and that she loathes the sleep that it brings. She finds that more often than not, her nights are plauged with nightmares, and everytime she closes her eyes she can see the look on Gin's face just before he was swept away into the heavens, and she cries. She cries because the wistfullness was still there, and because she can hear the regret in his voice as he said his goodbye.

Rangiku can't help but wonder now, if the goodbye that Gin gave her was more of a "farewell" or a "see you later."

And as the bile rises up in her stomach, Matsumoto hopes more than anything else that it was in fact a "see you soon."

Not that Rangiku would ever admit it, but she's lost without Gin, because no matter what, and no matter where they were, Gin would always lead her, Gin would always know where to go, and she thinks now that she feels just like she used to before Gin ever came along.

Rangiku feels scared and lonely, and more confused than she's ever been in her life, and she knows that deep, deep down she's starving again, and she'll continue to be unless she can see Gin again with his strange smile and cheerful voice, ready to lead her once more.

Matsumoto Rangiku hates everything about Ichimaru Gin. She hates that she doesn't know if he'll return this time, She hates him because he's _gone_.

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_BeautifulSilverSilence_


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